Keeping true to my previous blog ‘When ego gets in the way’, I will update you on my progress with wanting to compete in The World Transplant Games, now less than three months away.
As planned. I had my reverse shoulder replacement done at the end of March last year.
Being told that if I did anything to this replacement, there would be nothing they could do to repair it. This was the last chance for having a usable shoulder.
Being told I could never lift anything heavier than 5 kgs, as it would long term destroy the surgery, I needed to look after it very carefully. I was determined not to let my alter ego Zena warrior woman get the better of me this time.
A careful and slow recovery was my motto. Only doing exactly what the physio told me I could do. I wanted the best long-term outcome, along with still being able to compete in the World Transplant Games a year away.
Back into the walking lanes at the pool, I kept a tight rein on Zena and allowed proper time for my shoulder to heal. Focusing more on my range of movement with stretches. Especially with an anatomically reversed joint, there are obviously mechanical restriction that the joint can move in.
One setback after another
I waded my time until I was ready to swim again. In that time I also was dealing with other emotional setbacks and struggles, which then affects the physical body. I am not going into all of the details but let’s just say that I felt like my Zena warrior Woman had turned into a Rice Power Granny, that had gone low carb!
I felt as if I were a hundred years old and my body just didn’t want to work.
Every time I got back into the water to start again, another ailment or injury happened. I just kept seeing my dream of competing in the World Transplant Games slipping further and further away.
Self-doubt set in and when the mind weakens, my body follows suit. The mind, spirit and physical body truly has to be connected for one to function properly, especially for me. When one aspect goes out, Then the downward spiral into the rabbit hole begins.
Prioritising goal purpose
I was at the point where I needed to decide if to give the whole idea of going to the games away, as there were not any other events I could compete in with my vision restrictions and joint issues in my hands. The mental anguish was pulling me further down.
The reason was not because I wanted to win an event , well perhaps I had been creating visualisations with me winning some gold medals, Zena still keeps coming in to have her five cents worth! but I was so anticipating in being part of the World Transplant Games community, having a sense of comradery and belonging was what I emotionally needed. I wanted to be a proud member of the transplant tribe and celebrate in the wonderful gift that we all share, the gift of life.
Showing the donor families and friends how much their gift is appreciated and that we are all doing the best we can to make the most out of our precious life.
I have had to readjust my mindset of what I thought people expected of me. Being that strong, resilient, determined person that when sets her mind to achieve something, she makes it happen.
I have come to realise that is only what I thought people expected of me or more what I expected of myself to be. Coming to terms that I am enough just for being me, is the lesson I am currently learning. Universe certainly has ways of slowing you down to make you sit and go within yourself to try and discover who you really are without all of your expectations and labels you identify yourself as.
Goal reset for the World Transplant Games
My goal for The World Transplant Games is to still put my name down for a few swimming races.
My training for the next ten weeks will be steady and careful, keeping Zena Warrior Woman in check while my rice power Granny starts eating some rice again and build her energy up slowly.
My real focus is now on enjoying the anticipation of proudly marching with my Australian Transplant Tribe, along with fellow world recipients into Optus Stadium. Meeting other recipients from around the world and making new friendships and exchanging stories with one another. Having fun at the social events that are to be held and knowing that whatever I do in my events will be the best that I can do on the day.
Sometimes we set goals for ourselves that we think once I achieve it, I have proven to the world that I can do anything and am important. The problem with this is that you are not really trying to prove it to other people but to yourself. Until you can come to the point when you realise that you are enough simply by being here on earth, then inner happiness will never be reached.
That can be a hard lesson for most of us to learn. Especially me.
So my fellow travellers, share along with me to dare bravely in being vulnerable in how you feel and know that you are enough just by being yourself. Don’t look up to other people or compare yourself to anyone else and drop any expectations you may be putting on things as that will only bring you misery.
Just be whoever it is you want yourself to be, no matter whatever anyone else thinks.
So long as you know that you are doing the best to your greatest capability, that is all that anyone, including yourself can expect and be proud of.
To find out more about the World Transplant Games (WTG), please click on the link below. I would love to have as many of my fellow travellers to come along and celebrate the biggest donor organ and tissue awareness event in the world and it is right here in Perth, 15 – 21 April.
Next time I will celebrate Valentine’s Day with you
and see what cupid has to say when he shoots his arrow of love!
Thankyou for joining me once again.
I would love to hear from you via email or
my Colleen Ashby Author Facebook page.
Tell me what you would like me to talk about. I am here for you my
fellow travellers and want to know what you enjoy reading.
Until next time…
Love and laughter
Colleen Ashby
Great resources to investigate:
Diabetes Australia
Transplant Australia
visionaustralia.org
sed.visionaustralia.org
Donate life
Mental Health Australia
Beyond Blue
