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Tag: Mental Health

Can one be truly optimistic and full of hope all the time? Come and hear the truth behind my eternal optimism.
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Author Colleen Ashby in a nice suit next to some flowers "staring" in the distance.

If I am to stay true to my virtues of honesty, integrity, and finding the inner beauty within ourselves, which is the basis of my Peacock Tales, then I must share my shadow aspect as well.

For as bright and optimistic as I can be, I also go as equally dark and withdrawn, venturing down into the rabbit hole of depression.

Luckily for me, it is not a common occurrence but when I get sucked into the taunting self-sabotaging thoughts that run rampant in my head, they seem to overpower me for a while.

I have previously written two blogs about this state of being, but have not shared them.

My friends told me to share the true parts of me , which includes my unmet emotions and shadow aspects, the parts that make us human. this however would reveal my weakness, my bright and bubbly persona , along with pretending that I have it altogether, all of the time would be destroyed. Unfortunately, illusions aren’t real and can’t hold forever.

Revealing shadow aspects

My first blog was titled ‘A cup of tea with feeling down.’ I wrote about how sometimes we don’t understand ourselves why we are feeling this way.

All we know is that we don’t want to talk to people in case one starts crying. You’re still carrying on with life and performing the tasks you need to do but you feel like an empty shell simply going through the motions, the entire time your mind is rattling over and over trying to make sense of these feelings.

Author Colleen Ashby in a nice suit next to a stone statue of budha "staring" in the distance.

I also wrote how people trying to help will point out positive aspects that you have in your life and there are always  people in worse situations  out there. This of course is not what someone in this state of mind wants to hear. All you want is to be understood and listened to without  someone trying to rationalise the situation, making themselves feel better in the process of trying to help.  It’s only human nature to try and fix  or help someone hurting but All I know is it takes time to process unmet emotions and is a skill that not all of us  are equipped with.

My second blog ‘The dark side of optimism’ was an account of multiple variations of challenges I kept having towards goals I was wanting to achieve. My optimism  was the main victor through most of these challenges, with me always finding silver linings  as to why the setback had occurred. After awhile however, there are only so many knockdowns you can take before you feel like you can’t get up again.

Then retreating down that damn rabbit hole seems to be your only option to lick your wounds  and mend your broken parts.

Reflection down in the rabbit hole

Author Colleen Ashby looking at a book in a "Zen" garden.

I think the reason why I haven’t put up my previous two blogs on accounts of when I have been down the rabbit hole is that everyone will have their own stories. Telling you why I got to this depressive state is really quite irrelevant. It would have no meaning to you as we all have our own issues and journey in life to deal with. That is not to lessen the impact of the emotions that I am dealing with but each and everyone of us doesn’t get through life unscathed and we all have our own story to tell.

Each time I venture back out of the rabbit hole, brave and ready to face the world again, I think that I have mastered the demons that brought me down, only to have to face them at a different level sometime down the track. Each time growing and learning more about what makes me tick and being a little kinder to myself.

When things happen to us that at the time we can’t quite deal with, suppressing our emotions is a coping mechanism we use to be able to keep in with the game of life. These things however, can’t stay hidden and suppressed, they need to be heard and acknowledged, otherwise they become like a volcano wanting to erupt. Often this is something we don’t have the tools to deal with and seeking professional support is needed.

Tools for good mental health

I have gathered a wonderful set of tools to help me stay in a positive and optimistic state of mind but that only works if I use them. What I have noticed in reflection is that when I get into these states, I haven’t been using them, nor can I seem to bring myself to begin implementing them. That is when the spiral downward starts. Each time guaranteed, for whatever reason, injury, health issues, external events interfere with my routine, then down the slide I go. Personally, I am no good without routine and to some degree discipline, along with having a goal to aim for.

Some of the valuable tools in my positive outlook on life box are:

  • Writing in a gratitude diary. Each day recalling three things to be grateful for and that went in a positive direction for me.
  • Exercise. Walking every morning, moving my body to get those endorphins moving around my body. So long as it brings you pleasure, find movement.
  • Healthy eating. We are what we eat. If you eat crap, you will feel like crap. Eat fresh and healthy, then that is what you will feel.
  • Meditation and mindfulness. This is a no brainer for me. When I quiet the mind, slow my breath, and become aware of my body and surroundings then life flows beautifully. There are many ways to meditate, play around and find your own groove. Give yoga a try.
  • Creativity. Anything that gets you into that zone or flow state does wonders for the soul. Personally dancing, music and writing is my thing. So long as you are not thinking about anything else but what you are doing then you will be in your zone. Gardening, playing music, drawing or art, the list is endless.
  • Set a goal. I am a real avid fan of this one. Without something to aim towards, then we just aimlessly wander through life. Setting a goal gives you drive to be a more confident, positive and a better version of yourself.
  • Read. Get off the screen and get into an enjoyable book that you can submerge yourself into. This improves your imagination and out of your own thoughts.
  • Don’t listen or watch the news. My argument for this is simple. Does it personally affect you? Can you or are you prepared to do anything about it? If the answer is ‘No’, then why fill your mind up with all this negativity. All it does is create a fear-based mindset about life and the world around us. Use that time to do any of the above suggestions.

The truth of optimism

So, can one be eternally optimistic and find silver linings all of the time? I can’t say no, as there are truly a few enlightened beings on the planet at this very moment but for the majority of us, perhaps not. I do know that it takes discipline, a connection of our mind, body, and soul to stay balanced. Healthy eating, exercise and constant checking in with staying true to our feelings and being kind to ourselves when doing this. Expressing and acknowledging our emotions and having connection with people is vital.

I am not immune to having a cup of tea with feeling down. At times I have drunk the whole pot, had a roast dinner then slept the night but I knew if I didn’t leave, I would make it my home and I didn’t want that.

So my fellow travellers, be kind to yourself when you slide down that rabbit hole. Take time to go within and discover yourself. Life is a journey, not a destination, be aware and focus on each step of the way without looking for the finishing line. I know that I will most probably slide down again at some stage but until then, I will endeavour to implement and use the tools I have. Hoping you find silver linings, love and laughter and remember we are all only human after all.

Next time I will share how my alter ego Zena Warrior Woman is going with my dream and goal of swimming in The World Transplant Games, now only three months away.

Thankyou for joining me once again.

I would love to hear from you via email or my Colleen Ashby Author Facebook page.

Tell me what you would like me to talk about.

I am here for you my fellow travellers and want to know what you enjoy reading.

Until next time…

Colleen Ashby smiling through a bunch of peacock feathers

Love and laughter

Colleen Ashby

Great resources to investigate:

Diabetes Australia
Transplant Australia
visionaustralia.org
sed.visionaustralia.org
Donate life
Mental Health Australia
Beyond Blue

Do people really feel different when a life changing event happens to them? Here I share my personal insights from becoming legally blind.
Published on

Do you feel the same person that you were before?

Lovely picture of colleen in front of a painting with a white faded border

Just recently, I was asked a question requiring some deep reflective thought. It was after I had finished playing a much-enjoyed game of blind canasta with friends.

They were Hon’s (aka Sharon) best friends. even though we all knew one another at a personal level through Hon, we had never met or interacted with one another. These friends were also great fans of canasta, so after Hon explaining to them how we play, they decided to give it ago.

Apprehension with meeting someone with a disability

Initially a bit apprehensive as to how I would be, what do they have to do around me, and all of those familiar frequent questions people have when meeting someone with a disability is encountered. Hon reassuring them that I can take a joke and give back as much as I get and certainly never takes offense at anything, our Grande maiden introduction was arranged.

Questions about being legally blind and having a heart transplant

Picture of colleen with a cocktail in her hand and her guide dog by her side.

The game was filled with an extreme amount of politically incorrect language and comments. Being endearingly nickname Helen Keller, even though I assured them I had no problem with hearing or talking, I enjoyed this extremely humorous banter. It was not only me, but derogatory comments and insults were flying around the room to one another, echoed with raptures of laughter. Intermingled with playing the game, they had curiosities about how I do things and life now in general. Open and happy to share insights of my life now with not only having a heart transplant but waking up legally blind from it.

I told them funny stories of things that have happened with learning my new normal as blind, they were both intrigued and grateful while having a good laugh for my openness and honesty. I also enjoy sharing these insights with people, as I too Had never met anyone who had been transplanted or was blind before me. I also would be curios myself if in their position.

Soul searching questions

Then checking if I minded being asked a personal question, he inquired if I feel like the same person I was before all this happened?

My initial response was to blurt out, that of course I did. I am still the same old Colleen I was before. Wanting to be truthful and open, I paused for a moment to check in with myself before opening my mouth. I had never been asked this question and I didn’t want to simply just brush it off as something of no importance. That would not be authentic or true to myself, nor would it shed real light for others to understand the significance of such a life changing event. In that pause, I searched deep inside trying to find my truth.

My response was “At first, I thought I was the same old Colleen that I was before. I jumped quickly into normal mode with getting on as if nothing had happened. Learning to do the things I had previously done, going out with friends, and getting on with life as best I could. I thought people would treat me exactly the same as before I was back in the game of life and never made an issue of it. I never expected people to not want to interact with me or to walk by quickly obviously hoping I wouldn’t notice them and engage in an uncomfortable conversation. When I would go to shopping centres with friends, they would always comment on the stares that people gave me. It didn’t bother me as I couldn’t see them, but whoever was with me, got upset by it.

The emotional impact of not receiving social cues

After a while, I also began to feel that I was something unusual to be looked at and treated differently. I don’t get the facial or body language feedback that tells us what people are expressing, the social cues are not there. Not knowing if someone is smiling, frowning, crying, angry or even interested when engaging with me. I didn’t understand the significance of this for quite some time or how it was impacting me emotionally, it gives you a sense of alienation, a feeling of not belonging in the norm of social acceptance. It’s a strange feeling but I do feel unconnected from others without this subtle but crucial feedback.

Acceptance of change

I have come to accept that things are not the same, nor am I the same old Colleen that I was prior, That’s not a bad or negative thing, it’s simply different. I do things differently now and life has opened in other ways for me, and I am loving my new me.”

With that, I found itself empowering and healing with accepting and expressing to them how I truly feel. There is nothing wrong with that for it simply is what it is.

If you are feeling alienated, not fitting in to where you were before. Don’t try and fight it or make it the way it was. Accept where you are and what has bought you to this point and try to integrate and understand what you are feeling. Often once we acknowledge the situation and can tell someone else about it, then healing and a chance to move forward in life can happen. Even journaling about how you are feeling can release tremendous stress and emotions that simply need to be acknowledged.

It's ok to feel different

No matter what the circumstance is that has brought you to this point in life, remember it’s ok to not have to feel the same as you were before. You now have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent yourself and journey down a new path in life and be excited about what adventures are installed for you. Invite the unknown and unfamiliar in and be open to opportunities that come your way. Let go of your old patterns and ways to invite new beginnings in. Shine your light and become the change you want to see in the world.

Thankyou for joining me and reading my Peacock Tale. I look forward to being with you again sharing stories and insights.

Next time I am taking a stroll down memory lane when I went on an outing to Araluen tulip festival. Be sure not to miss this stunning encounter of the beautiful display of tulips and the gorgeous grounds.

With love and no regrets

Colleen Ashby

Learn more? I highly viting the following website; Vision Australia, What is mental Health, Transplant Australia

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